I've heard the word relationship so many times this week, it almost feels as though I'm reading Woman's Day. What's the deal? Is it the sweet smell of Spring in the air? Peter and Jordan's wedding? Tom and Katie's baby?

Everywhere I turn people are either in a relationship, looking for one, insisting somebody else should find one, or lamenting on how much better their life would be with one. Could it be that I'm miserable because of a complex myriad of conflicting beliefs, insecurities and doubts about my existence? No, no... A girlfriend, that's what I need!

I've always been a firm believer that you can't exist happily in a relationship until you can be happy on your own, but the zeitgeist these days seems to propose that if you find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, everything else will follow. I'm not suggesting that having a partner isn't an enriching experience, but it certainly isn't the answer to all your problems. Perhaps the Hugh Grant variety of cinema is seeping a little too deeply into the social consciousness, but our purpose in life isn't to achieve 'taken' status, and the soundtrack isn't Ronan Keating.

The only thing more irritating than this mentality is the people who impose it on others; as if it's some kind of indictment on your existence if you've been single for a while. Even if you're completely happy by yourself, society has a way of convincing you otherwise. After a few months of "What you need is a girlfriend! Why don't you have one?", you start to think "Hey yeah! Why don't I have a girlfriend? What's wrong with me? Should I be trying harder? Is there an odour that I'm not aware of?" The possibility that you might actually be content with being single just isn't an option. The only exception to this is if you're living the single life, and hitting Twister each weekend. That's fine. Especially if you're a guy.

The problem is, love is everywhere. . And not in that Wet Wet Wet kind of way. 95% of films deal with love either in full or in part, and the entire pop music industry is supported by the concept. Essentially, from the day we are born and see our parents together, we are programmed to believe that finding a partner is our raison d'etre. As a result of this, people pursue relationships for entirely the wrong reasons; circumstance, sexual attraction, convenience, image, even taste in music. Some people just like the idea of being with someone, regardless of who that person might be.

A certain friend of mine, let's call her Dr. X, has never been single for longer than a month. I suspect most people know someone like this, who seems to be perpetually frightened by the prospect of being on their own. If they're not with someone, they're pursuing someone, or contemplating whom to pursue. The break ups are periodic, painful, and the result is always the same. This pattern of behaviour has been going on for as long as I've known her, which is of no surprise to me at all. When you devote all your energy to other people, it's impossible to grow as a person. After being dictated by the same mentality for such a long time, it becomes a prophecy unto itself, and is no longer a conscious decision.

From my experience, you never find a relationship of any substance when you're actively looking for it. Of the two or three times I've gone out with the intention to 'pick up', and succeeded, I have:

- Gone from infatuation to extreme prejudice within the period of two weeks.
- Realized that you can't sustain a relationship on dancing to R'n B music.
- Resolved never to talk to girls with the name Crystal again. Ever.

I think if you're 'on the hunt' for a partner, you're inevitably going to be let down. You'll either perceive qualities in them that don't exist, or be continually disappointed because of your expectations. It's when you achieve happiness and stability by yourself that someone tends to come along, usually before you even realize it's happened.

By this point in time you're probably shaking your monitor violently, yelling "For fuck's sake Millwood! Are you actually going to make a point here?" You've got some nerve, buddy. But the answer is no, no I'm not. I am, however tired of people being bludgeoned into situations they don't want to be in, and feeling guilty about things they shouldn't have to, purely because society instils beliefs in us that are completely bogus. And we lap it up. It's no wonder the divorce rate in Western civilization is around 40%.

Why are you still single?