Well, it had to happen eventually.. I always wondered whether or not I actually had a conscience. Many a time I've found myself saying "Geeze Millwood, I think you should probably feel at least a little guilty about this..", but it doesn't ensue. It's not that I don't have awareness of what is morally acceptable; a healthy upbringing on Seinfeld has seen to that. But, I don't know.. Sometimes situations arise where I think I should feel some remorse for my thoughts or actions, and there's simply nothing there. It seems then, like some sort of cruel poetic justice that I should feel guilty for thoughts I've been having about this man.. This stupid, stupid man.


As many of you may know, Stan Zemanek was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour a little while back. Despite undergoing a rigorous course of radiation therapy, it's still thought there's a good chance he may not survive. Stan's main claim to fame is a talkback show on AM station 2UE, which we here in Melbourne are fortunate enough not to receive. It's everything that you might expect from someone who describes their profession as "shock jock".. Just like John Laws, but with less embezzlement and more expletives. Stan also had a brief stint as host of the TV show Beauty and the Beast, where he comparatively appeared to be quite balanced. But hey, Tony Abbott would come across as balance personified when sitting next to this woman.

I digress. There is a stigma attached to certain misfortunes like cancer, AIDS, or even rape.. It is dictated that we should never wish these things upon anyone, and if someone should happen to fall victim to them, we should hold nothing but humane thoughts for the person involved.. No matter how inhumane the person might be. To be brutally honest, my initial reaction to hearing about Stan's cancer was "Well, that's just delicious.. Maybe there is a God!" Which upon reflection, may have been a little lacking in compassion. But this is exactly where my crisis of conscience lies, and it started to get me thinking about how honest other peoples' responses to things like this are.

Often our immediate thoughts are quite different from what we finally resolve to think. We are strongly aware of the stance that would be deemed morally acceptable by the broader population.. So we are presented with an afterthought to our initial response; the final stance that we take on an issue can be greatly affected by the knowledge of what the decent thing to think would be. So we either end up reappraising our opinions, or at least finding a resolve between the two governing forces. I'm not saying that reflecting on one's beliefs or opinions isn't healthy, and I'm certainly not saying that I think it'd be a better world if everybody acted on impulse. But abandoning a thought for something we've been taught is more appropriate.. That's a different beast altogether. If somebody said "Oh, poor Stan.. I feel so sorry for him", would they actually mean it? Or would they be belying their thoughts just to sound like a good, compassionate person?

At any rate, I'm stuck.. A huge part of me has no sympathy for this man whatsoever, and if you've ever heard him in action, you'll completely understand why. If you'd called Stan a year ago and told him you had cancer, there's a good chance he'd have told you to get over yourself and have a cry to someone who cares.. You pansy. It's mopers like you that are the problem with this.. Well, you get the idea. And hey, he effectively said the same thing to Chas Licciardello from The Chaser when he called up pretending to be a young man suffering from clinical depression. Of course if you called him now and told him you had cancer he'd become a beacon of compassion, but then if his own son had clinical depression he probably would've done the same for Chas. And the thing that fucks me off more than anything about him is that I know he couldn't possibly be like his persona in real life.. The majority of his career is an act, a poorly formed caricature with very little afterthought. But, this is his draw card.. The majority of his audience probably haven't given a second thought to what sort of a person he might actually be, because it's attitude that they've come to hear, not sensible, considered opinions.

I'd like to think that in lieu of recent events young Stan might take a moment of quiet reflection, and consider some of the choices he's made up to this point. Sorry, that was in poor taste. Anyway, apparently he's already back at work, kicking skulls as though he was never gone. Which pretty much puts me right back where I started.. Sitting in front of a computer trying to muster some nice words for a man who may well die within the year. The closest thing I can think of is "Well, I'm sure he's a nice guy behind the facade.." But for me, that's even worse. If he was legitimately stupid and offensive, I wouldn't give him a second thought. But to consciously perpetuate a character like that.. Kinda puts the kibosh on any inclination I might have towards being nice.