I found this at my work today. I have no idea how it found its way into the store, but I guess it's a little late for preventative measures. For those of you who are furrowing your brows, trying to work out why the face seems so familiar.. Perhaps this will help.


That's right. Just when you thought the days of the Funky Junky were numbered, somehow he finds a way to jive back into your life.

As the only artist completely oblivious to the concept of a shirt, Peter Andre provided me with many joyous childhood memories. With a range as broad as walking down a beach to dancing around with a wig, he managed to captivate even my cynical, 12 year old mind. But then one day the music stopped. For 10 years he lay dormant, waiting...

Some of you may remember a bit of a brew-ha-ha erupting last year when young Peter impregnated a recent member of the UK Big Brother house, Jordan. Whether a carnal instinct to fulfil his role as a man, or a cunning piece of media manipulation, the Junky was thrust back into the limelight. Only this time, he was wearing clothes.

When given a second chance to revive a floundering career, most artists would lock themselves up in a distant wood-cabin, not emerging until they had the greatest album that they were capable of producing. Now, I'm not saying that Peter has taken a lazy approach or anything, but the big draw card of The Long Road Back is a song by the name of 'Mysterious Girl'. Sound familiar? Sure does. It was his mega hit from 1995. Has he remixed it for his new album, you ask? No. Has he given it a subtly raw, funky 2005 vibe? Hell no. Did he at least re-record the damn thing? Certainly not. So what the fuck did he do? Nothing.. Absolutely nothing. The big single off the new album is exactly the same as the big single off his old album. The final nail in this rather baffling coffin is that it actually worked.. The new/old single went to #1 in the UK.

The only thing more baffling in fact, is the second single off the album, Insania. "Surely that's a typo, Millwood!", I hear you think. Oh no. It's real. And you're right, Insania is most certainly not a real word. But before you get up on your high-horse, I should remind you that Shakespeare invented hundreds of words, many of which are now common stock in the English vernacular. The Urban Dictionary, for example has quite happily acknowledged Peter's contribution to the language. Perhaps if I put it into context:

Aging will reverse
Cloning will diverse
Insanity is slowly creeping into our minds
Where is yesterday?

Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
This is Insania

See? It makes perfect sense. But I don't want to ruin all the fun for you.. Put down that Eels album of yours and invest in some real music. At a meazly $30US + shipping on Amazon.com, it's quite a steal. Don't take my word for it though, see what his other fan had to say. I would offer you the copy at my work, but it seems to have been mysteriously purchased..